In January, six of us gathered together over zoom to discuss the book Checking In by Michelle Williams. In the book, Michelle Williams, Grammy Award winner and most famous for her membership in Destiny’s Child, describes her decade long battle with depression and anxiety. The book description begins with “I need help.” She very vulnerably describes her lowest point, when she found herself planning her own funeral, and her process seeking professional help. Throughout this journey, she often describes the importance of “checking in” with herself, God, and others. 

During our group’s discussion, we talked about how Ms. Williams very openly discusses her journey recognizing depression, struggling with low points, recovery, and now working to maintain her own health. A few helpful quotes from the book we discussed include: 

• “Depression does not always have a look.” (p. 30) 
• “If you don’t deal with it [depression], it can swallow you up.” (p. 29)

Ms. William’s process of checking in was insightful and built on her experiences over the last decade. When she was depressed and her fiancé would offer to help her with tasks at home, she interpreted it as an insult. Reflecting, she said “depression [was] changing everything to lies.” (p. 123). However, “When we’re checking in with ourselves, we can root out the beliefs behind our thoughts and the thoughts behind our emotions.” (p. 34)
On page 77, she describes her check in process: “Just choose one situation with one person” and ask: 

1. “Why was I so sad or angry?” 
2. “What thoughts were behind the emotions?” 
3. “What beliefs are behind those thoughts?” 

Ms. Williams also makes an interesting distinction between transparency and vulnerability. With transparency, “there’s still a little bit of control…I don’t risk anything when I respond that way.” However, with vulnerability, we are “offering the truth freely…you don’t have that kind of control, sometimes it’s not pretty.” (p. 172-173). However, her overall point is that vulnerability allows more for freedom to exist and acknowledge our own struggles. It means being truly open about what is going on in our lives and minds which can ultimately promote better understanding of ourselves, and hopefully, greater healing. 

Finally, a large part of Ms. Williams life and overall healing process was rooted in her Christian faith. She focuses a lot on the downfalls of holding grudges and not forgiving ourselves or others. She states:

• “I’ve experienced unforgiveness in my own life and it’s a killer to mental health.” (p. 184) 
• “It’s about checking in with your heart and not being tied to someone in a negative way.” (p. 194)

Reflecting on her faith, our group discussed the impact of our own spirituality and faith in our mental health and illness journeys. 

Please join us for our next Ramsey County Book Club! Find more information at: https://www.namiramseycounty.org/bookclub.html

• Better resources for mental health treatment, including more hospital beds.

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• Funding for Engagement in Services: 2020 legislation called for early intervention for people heading into a mental health crisis by working to engage the person in treatment voluntarily. The goal is to engage someone to accept treatment, services and supports early on, when symptoms are appearing and to prevent someone from being hospitalized, committed, or going to jail. Under current law, counties can opt-in to providing engagement services, but there is no financial support to do so. Due to our advocacy, Ramsey County has opted in, but may be the only county. NAMI Minnesota supports using federal ARP dollars to pilot engagement in services programs and track outcomes.

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• Decriminalization of Mental Illness/Increase Investment in Diversion Programs: Diversion can happen before an arrest, after booking, during court appearances, and even after conviction by sentencing to treatment or by using a mental health court. Only four counties have mental health courts and those have limited spots.

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• More shelters/affordable housing. Along with BIPOC people, people with mental illnesses are much more likely to experience housing instability or homelessness. Stable housing prevents repeated hospitalizations, homelessness, and even entering the criminal justice system.

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• Employment/Individual Placements and Supports: Individual Placements and Supports (IPS) is an evidence-based program that supports people with serious mental illnesses find and keep a job. Unlike other job programs, IPS provides ongoing support to the person with a mental illness to ensure that they can succeed.

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• Concern about Marijuana impact on people with mental illnesses (if legalized). Research has tied cannabis use to negative outcomes for people with mental illnesses including increased risk of experiencing psychosis in some people.

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• Funding for Friends Program, e.g., International Clubhouse. People with serious mental illnesses usually lose their friends and need help making new ones.

This month we returned to reading children’s books on mental health and our group really enjoyed the two books that were read to us and the stimulating discussion
following the readings.

The authors read and discussed two books with us relating to children’s mental health. The first book that was read to us was about childhood anxiety, called B is for Breathe, the ABCs of Coping with Fussy and Frustrating Feelings by Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd, PsyD, ABPP. The second book was about a child who is coping with his mother’s often confusing bipolar disorder called Good Day, Bad Day, Same Day – A Day with My Mommy, Who Has Bipolar Disorder by Sharon Henry.

Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd is a mother, a psychologist, and a published book author who has written several books relating to children’s mental health. Dr. Boyd shared an on-screen view of the pages of her book. In her book, every letter of the alphabet tells about a different coping strategy that can be used to help cope with “fussy and frustrating feelings.” The author shared with the group that she often has
children practice these coping techniques when she reads to groups of children. For example, Dr. Boyd has the children do some deep breathing exercises when she gets to the letter “B is for Breathe.” Some of the other coping strategies she discussed were: A is for Art, D is for Dancing, Q is for Quiet Time, R is for Read, S is for Positive Self-Statements, and T is for Talking About Feelings (talk about your feelings with a trusted family member).

Dr. Boyd asked group members about their favorite coping skills. The group discussed the different coping skills that several of us use. One attendee said that she likes to go on nature walks and Zumba. Another attendee likes crocheting.
Dr. Boyd was motivated to write her book to provide a resource for children to use when they are having trouble coping with school or with life in general. She said that this book has helped her own children, and she often reads this book to groups of children in libraries so that these children can learn coping skills. Currently, she is writing a book called, Better Together, the ABCs of Social Skills. It will be an alphabet book with suggestions like, “A is for Apologize.”

The group thanked Dr. Boyd for sharing her book with us. We especially appreciated the diversity of the children in the illustrations.

We then turned to our second author for another reading. Sharon Henry read her book, Good Day, Bad Day, Same Day – A Day with My Mommy Who Has Bipolar Disorder, to us and showed us her own illustrations via Zoom. Sharon has an art degree in illustrating, so she decided to write and illustrate her own book. She has an adult child who lives with Bipolar Disorder. She self-published the book to help families who are coping with a family member who lives with a mental illness.

This book is written from a child’s perspective whose mom lives with Bipolar Disorder. The little boy in the book is disappointed when his mother is too tired to play, and doesn’t understand when his mother does different kinds of things related to the manic behaviors associated with Bipolar Disorder. At the end of the book, the little boy realizes that his mother really, really loves him even though his father has to take care of him.

Sharon said that both writing and illustrating this book was therapeutic for herself. 

Join us on Thursday, October 21 from 7-8 pm for our next Book Club Meeting when
we look at the issues of childhood trauma and self-injury in the book Scars by Cheryl
Rainfield. 

https://www.namiramseycounty.org/bookclub.html

Perfectionism has been on the rise for years, especially with social media growth. We desire to be successful and liked in society, so we put pressure on ourselves to strive for perfection. We believe it can make relationships and experiences in life easier. The truth is: perfectionism might make external circumstances easier short-term, but it can make internal feelings more difficult long-term. 

According to Medical News Today, the pressure placed on oneself when having perfectionist qualities can lead to anxiety, depression, chronic stress, and suicidal ideation. On a physical level, perfectionism can cause high blood pressure.

It can be easy to fall into perfectionist habits in our society, where we are often taught that the harder you work and more time you put in, the more you will be rewarded. However, this mindset can lead us only to striving for more and more, never feeling truly fulfilled or satisfied with ourselves. A strong sense of self-satisfaction can be achieved through inner accomplishments, such as prioritizing our self-care and mental health, setting boundaries, and honoring our inner peace. 

If you experience perfectionism, an important first step is opening up about it to someone you trust. If you feel it impacts your mental health, speaking with a trained mental health professional can strongly benefit the quality of your healing. Those who identify with perfectionism are less likely to receive mental health treatment due to the stigma, according to Personality and Individual Differences. However, suppressing the symptoms of perfectionism will only give it more power, and seeking help is always a strength, not a weakness. 

Some other tips for managing perfectionism include

• Repeat the affirmations “I am worthy regardless of my external achievements” and “There is beauty in my imperfections.”

 

• Write down “Inner Peace > Perfectionism” and keep it somewhere you will see it every day, whether it be on your mirror, phone lock screen, or planner.

 

• Set boundaries in the workplace. You can even ask your boss about organizing a mental health workshop day, to open the conversation about calming anxiety and perfectionism at work. 

 

• Honor your mistakes and view them as opportunities for growth.

 

• Practice self-care techniques such as meditation, exercise, or journaling when feelings of overwhelm arise.